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Saturday, August 05, 2006
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+'.'+ E.n.v.i.a.t.i.o.n +'.'+
Settled down, and rearrange all the thoughts that i want to blog it out... sometimes
i really envy others for having the happiness & the wisdom they have... The problem
with me is that i far too care about what ppl think and said about me
This things have been with me since the day i was born i guess... I always think the past me
are better then me today!!! i dont understand why tooo i have this concept... is it b'cuz
the easiest is always yes't???
I am not a perfectionist... but i cant just choose sth that concerned about my
whole life with just 'can do with it' this attitude right? Sometimes i can be so dumb
till making the same mistakes again and again and again.... When will all this stop?
When i making the first mistake i told myself there wouldnt be second same mistakes
but i still making the Second one... And you know what i telling myself after i making
the second same mistakes again?
I Yelling "why? why? didn't everyone tell me you wouldnt make the same mistakes for
the second time again?" When would all this end? Just when thanks god its over...
The wound relapse again... Is it the wound just relapse of itself or i myself trigger something
to the wound??? I am very Confuse... One mins i can think why i must be like this the other
mins i can be telling myself i am not at the wrong.... One min i can wanting sth so badly
but the other second i can be hating it so much!!!
YA!! cuz i am a woman tooo.. Which man don make mistakes right??? but why must
it be making the same mistakes again and again?? and why must it be me??? The one
that still struggling now... why must the typhoon come and blow the hut that just gonna
complete away???
I am now like standin in the middle of a bridge... Knowing no where to head too... Fearing
badly thinking how my future would be... I do want to be fixed in this in this situation
all my life.... I dont want i swear!!! Sometimes my kind intention really lead people
wrong understanding i guess... When you hurt me i didnt complained cuz i dont
want to make you feel bad about it.. But that doesn't mean i am not in pain....
Now i might be sitting here talking about envy i have towards those ppl who can
be so so set aside their pride, their seriousness when it comes to silly moments...
For me no matter how hard i try i CAN'T!!! i just cant making the first step....
I know its a curse that i must break it.....
Looking back at my personal blog... Seems like 2005 was just like yest... But 2006 have
been playing for almost 3/4 of the year.... Now i understand... I have put myself on the
outsider view... i see the whole picture of it.. i see everything.. the good one the bad one
and the beautiful one... Even though i get what i once lost i know i cant be betraying
myself that this thing is still so prefect in my memory anymore...
People fight to get what they want just to satisfy their own indulgence... Sometiems
people know that its not the best... but because of pride they fight for it and making
surround people so miserable about it...
I... maybe too have been hurting people who love me... unintentionally... but would
you still hurt the one that cares for you knowing that it would hurt them???
I want to learn to love myself!!!!!
I do want to think so much from now on.....
I want to be wise of my decision
I want to be responsible of my action
I must learn how to say 'NO'....
Well i think i kinda have split personality right? one entry you can me so over the moon
but the other entry you can see so deep into the blue ocean..... Maybe the combination
of all the elements that make up the 'I AM' now....
Contentment is the elements of happiness.... isn't it??
Well after unloading all my thought i feel lighter now... I dont want like in the past
keeping everything in me.... I fills me up that i am suffocating to breath.... My mind
is much lighter now... maybe should go long walk to have clear mind again...
I am longing the atmosphere where the moment i breath early in the morning
i can feel the freshness and the purity of morning dew flow into my body....
Its very important what one feel to start a day with....
Welll at least... my happy vitamin still last till now... thought its been almost
4 months.. but i do feel it still working... though the feeling is not that strong
anymore i admit... but at least i know its once happy pills....
*deep breath... and thinks everything gonna be ok again....
The purest of happiness are paid with pain and efforts tooo!!!
Well since i am quite free with my work now before next event come out...
Shall change my blog layout.... I am bored with it... let alone the reader right?
haha ok!!! shall think of one design that describe me.... *winks.....
+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:
H.A.P.P.Y. W.E.E.K.E.N.D
+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:
~HARON
B'CUZ OF U~
::HiPoPoMoUsE::: fishing at 2:09 PM
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